My dear readers, followers, but most rightly, my dear friends. Today I post a blog of heartfelt emotions, of a real experience of losing a child. A child which can be a feotus, a baby, a toddler or a young child. But nevertheless – a persons child. The blog i share is not my story, but the journey of my dear friend. She writes this from her heart and has kindly shared it with me and has allowed me to share it with you. These are her words, this is her journey……

Will it be a Boy or Will it be a Girl?

Will it be a boy or will it be a girl?
Maybe there are twins!!
Making plans for this new arrival,
Brought about warm, fuzzy and exciting feelings
Amidst all these thoughts waiting for this new arrival,
Planning this and planning that….
Allah was to show and unveil his wisdom..

The day came… A very frightening day
Wasn’t too sure about what was happening
Was it nothing to worry about…Or was I loosing you?
Was it the fear of losing you?
Or the fear of not knowing what was happening?
I am not quite sure. Not sure of my feelings,
Confused, shaky, disorientated

Then It was confirmed, what my gut instincts told me anyway..
It had all come to an end.. that the pregnancy was no more..
Loosing you at 11 weeks.. SubhanAllah
I didn’t think you could get attached to an 11 week foetus
A love that I didn’t even realise I had in my heart..
For a being that didn’t really have any form
But.. Allah taught me this love.. at that moment I was losing you…
The hopes and plans I had made,
Forgetting that nothing is ever guaranteed,
I realised at this moment,
The true meaning of Inna lillahi wa inna ilahi raajioon

The feeling of when a dream shatters
Carries a deep pain that is hard to describe..
The hopes and dreams I made for this being to come..
Are no more…
The constant conversations about this new arrival
Are no more….?
There is….There is no more baby…

Despite the grief and sadness that overtook me
Allah’s mercy encompasses simultaneously, subhan’Allah
The hardships and trials cause a realisation
A realisation that wasn’t there before or maybe I had forgotten

The realisation of appreciating the present
The realisation to love and cherish the loved ones around me
The realisation that I have been blessed with so much
The realisation of that I could have been in worse situations…
The realisation that I planned…. but Allah has his own plans…
Maybe I had forgotten momentarily…and Allah reminded me…

Allah sends down opportunities for us to pave our way to paradise..
Maybe this is to be my way..
That my unborn child will drag me into paradise,
And in this I place my hope, Insha’Allah
That this trial will purify me and wash away my sins,
If I remain patient and steadfast, Insha’Allah

So as I sit and reflect over this experience,
It sends down cold shivers,
And sadness fills the heart
And yet I am great ful for what it has taught me.
Strange is the affair of the believer, Said our beloved Messenger (SAWS)
It is strange subhna’Allah. So much hurt and pain..
And yet there is this contentment in the heart,
A feeling of something better and everlasting is awaiting insha’Allah.

Anonymous, Aged 31

Note: The writer, who is a close friend of mine has given me permission to share this, but chooses to stay anonymous.

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