Exactly one year today my life changed. Two blue lines told me that I was to become a Mummy. That moment in which I found out was the moment I knew my life was to change – for the better.

This past year has been full of glorious ups and catastrophic downs. I’ve had a child and lost a child all in the same year. I’ve welcomed a child and mourned a child all in the same moment. I’ve weaved a lifetime worth of dreams and hopes and buried those very same dreams and desires all in this past year. But my life – it has changed for the better. My son entered my life with those two beautiful blue lines and left my life with two beautiful eyes, that I never got to see looking at me (which I imagine to be perfect). With him he brought hope, love, affection,  strength, and patience. And even though he has left me – he changed my life for the better – by making me a better person. Through him, I have come to realise the person I am, and recognise my strengths and weaknesses. Through him I have understood the various relationships in my life, valuing true friends and seeing people for what they are. The true colours of friends and foes have shown brightly like a rainbow on a cloudy day.

My perspective of life has changed from that moment one year ago, to this moment today. These very eyes see the same things, the same people, the same places – but the eyes in which I look at them with see things now in a different way. I no longer see life with my rose tinted glasses. However that does not mean I see it as all doom and gloom! But if I’ve learnt anything in this last one year it is to be hopeful, but be realistic. And if anything IS to go horribly wrong – don’t feel bad in shedding a tear, in feeling sad or angry or even disappointed. Its what makes you HUMAN. However, have hope in Allah’s (God’s) plan, thank Him for whatever bad that didn’t come your way and ask Him for whatever good which is due. Have faith in Him that it is Qadr Allah (Will of God) and that one day yours prayers will be answered in some shape or form.

It’s been one year since my life has changed. At times its as if nothing has changed and I’m at square one – my arms still barren, the cot in the attic still empty. And yet – so much has changed, my heart is full of love, and my life is so much more enriched. All because I have known you my dear son.

I thank you my beautiful Zakariah for coming into my life and changing it, for changing me.

Till we meet again. XxX

#InLovingMemoryofZakariah
#oneyeartoday #mummymoment