Month: December 2015

Will it be a Boy or Will it be a Girl?

azzahabu1 Comment

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My dear readers, followers, but most rightly, my dear friends. Today I post a blog of heartfelt emotions, of a real experience of losing a child. A child which can be a feotus, a baby, a toddler or a young child. But nevertheless – a persons child. The blog i share is not my story, but the journey of my dear friend. She writes this from her heart and has kindly shared it with me and has allowed me to share it with you. These are her words, this is her journey……

Will it be a Boy or Will it be a Girl?

Will it be a boy or will it be a girl?
Maybe there are twins!!
Making plans for this new arrival,
Brought about warm, fuzzy and exciting feelings
Amidst all these thoughts waiting for this new arrival,
Planning this and planning that….
Allah was to show and unveil his wisdom..

The day came… A very frightening day
Wasn’t too sure about what was happening
Was it nothing to worry about…Or was I loosing you?
Was it the fear of losing you?
Or the fear of not knowing what was happening?
I am not quite sure. Not sure of my feelings,
Confused, shaky, disorientated

Then It was confirmed, what my gut instincts told me anyway..
It had all come to an end.. that the pregnancy was no more..
Loosing you at 11 weeks.. SubhanAllah
I didn’t think you could get attached to an 11 week foetus
A love that I didn’t even realise I had in my heart..
For a being that didn’t really have any form
But.. Allah taught me this love.. at that moment I was losing you…
The hopes and plans I had made,
Forgetting that nothing is ever guaranteed,
I realised at this moment,
The true meaning of Inna lillahi wa inna ilahi raajioon

The feeling of when a dream shatters
Carries a deep pain that is hard to describe..
The hopes and dreams I made for this being to come..
Are no more…
The constant conversations about this new arrival
Are no more….?
There is….There is no more baby…

Despite the grief and sadness that overtook me
Allah’s mercy encompasses simultaneously, subhan’Allah
The hardships and trials cause a realisation
A realisation that wasn’t there before or maybe I had forgotten

The realisation of appreciating the present
The realisation to love and cherish the loved ones around me
The realisation that I have been blessed with so much
The realisation of that I could have been in worse situations…
The realisation that I planned…. but Allah has his own plans…
Maybe I had forgotten momentarily…and Allah reminded me…

Allah sends down opportunities for us to pave our way to paradise..
Maybe this is to be my way..
That my unborn child will drag me into paradise,
And in this I place my hope, Insha’Allah
That this trial will purify me and wash away my sins,
If I remain patient and steadfast, Insha’Allah

So as I sit and reflect over this experience,
It sends down cold shivers,
And sadness fills the heart
And yet I am great ful for what it has taught me.
Strange is the affair of the believer, Said our beloved Messenger (SAWS)
It is strange subhna’Allah. So much hurt and pain..
And yet there is this contentment in the heart,
A feeling of something better and everlasting is awaiting insha’Allah.

Anonymous, Aged 31

Note: The writer, who is a close friend of mine has given me permission to share this, but chooses to stay anonymous.

#BoyorGirl?  #loss #11weeks #realisation #QadrAllah #Innalillahiwainnailahiraajioon #StrangeIsTheAffairOfTheBeliever

6 months Today – A Dream, A Reality

azzahabu3 Comments

  
I want to mark today, somehow in some way. So I write. I write to share the journey I have been on and the journey I wish to continue. Today is exactly 6 months since I gave birth to my sweet darling Zakariah. And 6 months since I lost him too. It’s been 6 months – 182.5 days, 26 weeks and Half a Year. A whole chunk of my life has gone, somewhat in a daze and somewhat in a whirlwind of chaotic emotions. Anger, sadness, disappointment, gratitude, humbleness, and yes – even joy. 

The world has changed in the past 6 months. Babies have been born, bringing  joy and happiness to their parents, students have graduated from university, the unemployed have become employed,  vaccines have been discovered, wars have been waged, refugees have been in a flux of crisis, violence and terrorism has sporadically swept the globe. This is the world – some Good has happened and so has some Bad. This is how the world is changing. But my world, it’s a small one. The centre of it was, is and always will be Zakariah. Perhaps my focus may shift from time to time, with the daily grind of life. But this focus is not a negative one, it is one that gives me something to look forward to. I keep in my mind and heart a little boy that was not meant to be, and each day I live is a day to make him proud. Every small success in this life is a step closer to the ultimate success in the Hereafter – a step closer to seeing the proud smile of my son. In this 6 months, in all the chaos, pain and loss that was my life,  one beautiful and amazing success has taken shape. With good intentions, love, hope, faith and tender care we set up the Zakariah Maternity Centre in Neelam valley (Kashmir). This was a dream 6 months ago and now (Alhamdulilah) it is a REALITY.  This centre, named after my beloved son has been set up to give hope, faith and inspiration to the people of Neelam Valley. And every baby that is born there will be a reminder of a little baby who made all of this happen. 

I will continue to mark each milestones, each “anniversary” as it comes – not because I am sad or upset. I do so as a reminder of what I had, have and will have.

6 months today –  the moment you came into this world and left it, is a moment that is forever engraved in my heart and soul.  I will start tomorrow my dear son, the beginning of the next six months, with a renewed hope and faith. Because THAT is what your short life has taught me. 
To mark this day, I share with you the latest documentary of Zakariah Maternity Centre. My heartfelt gratitude and thanks to ALL of you who helped make this dream happen.

http://youtu.be/VaUlHZHgbRk
#InLovingMemoryofZakariah #6monthstoday #ZakariahMaternityCentre #Hope #Faith